Diana or Bam?
by Glitterbutt23
Summary: But if you had to choose- should Biana be with Dex or Tam!
1. The indecision begins!

**Me: *Magically appears* Biana... the world wants to know... DIANA OR BAM?! *Magically disappears***

Biana: Everyone wants me to chose... don't they understand INDECISION!

Sophie: Yeah I know what you mean... *glances at Fitz and Keefe*

Keefe: I'm going to stay out of this _drama_ and watch it with my girlfriend! *puts arm around Sophie and grabs popcorn*

Sophie: Correction, I _knew _what you mean... TEAM FOSTER-KEEFE!

Dex: Yeah I guess I understand indecision but in the end you will see that you should be with...

Tam: *shoves Dex aside* ME!

Biana: Tam, be nice.

Dex: Yeah, Bangs Boy!

Biana: Dex, be nice.

Tam: Yeah, Techno Nerd!

Biana: BOYS! STOP!

Tam and Dex: *bow* Whatever you want ma'am.

Biana: Ew. That was weird. Don't do that.

Tam and Dex: *bow* Whatever you want ma'am.

Biana: Sophie. Linh. Marella.

Sophie: Oh no...

Biana: Oh _yes_! GIRLS NIGHT!

Keefe: Fine, you do that! Fitz. Dex. Tam...BOYS NIGHT!

Dex: What do we do at "boys night"

Keefe: Do our hair!

Fitz: Spy on the girls!

Dex and Tam: No no no no no. We must respect Biana's privacy.

*silence*

Dex and Tam: And Sophie's, and Linh's, and Marella's, of course...

Sophie, Linh and Marella: Yeah, I thought so...

**Later, at Girl's night...**

Sophie: So... what form of torture are we doing first? Hair, or makeup?

Biana: Neither!

Sophie: W-W-What?

Biana: Instead, we're doing...

**Ha! You thought I'd tell you! No way! You'll have to wait for the next chapter!**


	2. The indecision continues!

Diana or Bam Continued

**Guest reviewer,yes it is I, the one and only GB23 featured in A very obsessed fangirl's kotlc react to ships! If you didn't already go read her stories or else...**

**WritingLover21 what do you mean by "ugh" please specify!**

**Undecided13****: Okay! **

**A Very Obsessed Fangirl: Hi.**

Biana: We're gonna do...

**I'M NOT TELLING YOU YET! BUT DON'T SCROLL DOWN, YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS _GUYS NIGHT!_**

At guys night...

Dex: Okay guys, here are some phones!

Keefe: Cool! *Starts taking selfies*

Tam: HOW DOES THIS WORK?! *Throws phone at chandelier*

Fitz: I'll go get it!

Dex: Ooh, I'll record it, then we can post a video on Elftube. **(That's a thing now. Don't question me.)**

Fitz: Great idea Dex, you are truly deserving of Biana.

Tam: NO! I can record it!

*Dex and Tam start pathetically wrestling*

Keefe: Maybe _I _should record it.

Fitz: LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! Hello fellow elves. Have you ever wanted to levitate without getting caught in a chandelier? **(Cause isn't that something we can all relate to?)**

Fitz: Then this is the video for you!

Dex: *Whispers* Cut!

Tam: That was really good, Biana's brother.

Fitz: *Failed hair flip* I know.

Keefe: To be honest, I could've done better.

Dex: Sure... Fitz, now you need to walk them through the process.

Fitz: So first you start slowly levitating, then you get closer to the chandelier! *levitates near the chandelier* and then you-

*salt shaker flies across the room*

Everyone: What the-

Tam: *storms in and throws more salt shakers at Fitz*

Fitz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *gets tangled in the chandelier*

Dex: *laughs* CUT!

Everyone: Tam?!

Tam: I-I just thought we would have... SALT SHAKER FIGHT!

Keefe: IT'S ON, BANGS BOY! *Starts violently throwing salt shakers everywhere*

Fitz: A little help? Hello?

Dex: *Magically gets a salt shaker throwing machine* SALT FOR YOU! AND YOU! AND- wait, where's Fitz?

Tam: I don't know. Maybe he drowned in salt?

Keefe: He's probably filming his stupid video.

Fitz: Um guys? I'm right here!

Dex: Tam, did you hear that?

Tam: Hear what?

Dex: A chance to prove I deserve Biana! *levitates up to the chandelier and frees Fitz*

Tam: NO! BIANA!

Fitz: Thanks Dex, you really do deserve Biana!

Tam: *explodes into salt*

**On that note let's go back to GIRLS NIGHT! You finally get to know what Biana is going to say! **

Biana: We're doing...

Della: Girls! Dinner is ready!

**Yes I am aware that you all hate me. But, good job not scrolling down! Unless...nah you guys listen to me.**

Sophie, Linh, Marella: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BIANA!

Biana: *evilly smiles* Thank you mom. What's for dinner? I'm _starving!_

Marella: Now we'll never know what the mystery activity is!

Sophie: Yeah!

Biana: We're having mallowmelt!

Sophie: IT CAN WAIT! I"M COMING MALLOWMELT!

Marella: *facepalms*

**During** **Dinner**

Sophie: Linh, could you pass me the salt?

Linh: Sorry Sophie, Tam is at guy's night.

Biana: WAIT! I just realized that we can have our "mystery activity" during dinner! We're doing... BOY TALK!

**I TOLD YOU WHAT IT IS! BOW TO ME! THANK ME! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY REVIEW!**


	3. Boy Talk: THE INDECISION!

**Previously on ****_Diana or Bam!_**

Biana: WAIT! I just realized that we can have our "mystery activity" during dinner! We're doing...BOY TALK!

**And now the next chapter!**

Sophie: Oh no...

Marella: Oh yes! GOSSIPING!

Linh: Boy talk?

Biana: Yes, we talk about our crushes and who we ship!

Alden: *walks into the kitchen* Hi honey! Whats for diner... *sees the girls talking about boys* On second thoughts *sprints out of the kitchen*

Della: *facepalms*

Biana: As we all know I have two boys fighting over me.

Marella: And I get the one leftover.

Biana: Exactly!

Marella: But i'm okay with that cause I don't know who to chose either.

Sophie: I have indecision too!

*all stare at Sophie*

Sophie: What?

Linh: You-

Marella: You-

Biana: You-

Della: You-

Entire World: You-

All: YOU CHOSE KEEFE!

Sophie: Oh yeah. But I understand indecision

Biana: Anyway, I think that we should create a pros and cons list for each boy!

Linh: Isn't that sort of, I don't know...WEIRD?

Sophie and Marella: Yeah.

Biana: No it's not!

*All roll eyes*

Sophie: Fine.

Biana: YES! I'll go get some paper! *Leaves*

Linh: *sighs*

Biana: I'm ba-ack!

Marella: *facepalms*

Biana: Tam has great bangs!

Sophie: But Dex is better with technology and can make cool things!

Marella: Tam can control shadowflux. Which is really cool!

Biana: I-I CAN'T DECIDE!

*All facepalm*

**Let's see what's going on at guys night! Note: Tam just exploded into salt if you didn't remember.**

Fitz: Omg. Did we kill him?

Keefe: Nah. He's fine.

Dex: Should I call my mom?

Fitz: Um...guys? *points at the salt pile*

*Tam emerges from the salt*

Keefe: What is this?

Dex: Tam?

Tam: Fear not my friends! I am _Tam __the SALT PHOENIX!_

Juline: What happened?

Dex: I-I don't know!

Tam: They just realized my salt powers.

Fitz: So you have many powers too!

Tam: Yep!

Fitz: WHY CAN"T I JUST BE SPECIAL!

Tam: Calm down child.

Fitz: I am older than you!

Tam: I. Don't. Care. Anyway, saltiness is not an elvin power, you can be salty too!

Fitz: Really!

Tam: Yeah! All you have to do is break up with Sophie and go die in a hole!

Keefe: YES! PLEASE DO IT!

Fitz: *being oblivious to what is really happening* O.K. I shall tell her tomorrow!

Dex: Really? I thought you liked her?

Fitz: Well I do... but I must have MORE POWERS!

Keefe: Fitz, how do you think Sophie will react?

Dex: She'll kill him.

Fitz: NO SHE WON"T DECK!

Entire Population:*Gasps* YOU CALLED HIM DECK!

Dex: ATTACK! 

*Fandom attacks Fitz*

**Yeeeeaaaahhhh. I really do love torturing Fitz. Anyway that's all I have time for. Shout out to A very obsessed fangirl because somehow she survived final exams. REVIEW PEOPLES! Yeah I need to stop byeeee!**


	4. Biana really needs to decide

**Herm: Yes. Fitz is insane. FITZ DOESN'T DESERVE HER!**

**Guest: NO! SOPHITZ SHALL DIE! Why Do you ship it?!**

**Quick recap on most recent chapter:**

**Fitz is being attacked by the fandom and said he will break up with Sophie. Sophie still thinks she likes Fitz.**

**AND NOW THE NEW CHAPTER OF DIANA OR BAM!**

Biana: Should we go to sleep? I mean we already discussed the boys and I think I made my decision.

Marella, Linh, Sophie: WHO IS IT!

Biana: It's... actually I don't want to tell. _Yet_. ** Wow you guys must really hate me. :) Stay alive for the next chapter! Stay aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!**

Marella: Really! I need to know who I will end up with. If you don't decide I will!

Biana: NO! I mean umm, no thanks. I can make my own decisions.

Sophie: I have a brilliant idea!

Biana: If it involves us almost dying trying to defeat the Neverseen, I'm out.

Linh: Same here.

Marella: I have to agree.

Sophie: No! I would never do that!

Marella: *Facepalms* _Sure..._

Sophie: Anyway, my plan was to go pull a prank on the boys!

Biana: YES!

Marella: I SECOND IT!

Biana: I THIRD IT!

Linh: Are you sure guys? Isn't that sort of mean?

Sophie: Of course not! ...Totally.

**HI ITS FANGIRL AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU... BAM WILL WIN! DON'T LISTEN TO HER! - Back to the story:)-****GB23**

Marella: Should we put a gulon in their room?

Biana: Oh _soooooooooo original!_

Sophie: Biana's right, we need to do something *dramatic hair flip* AMAZING, INSPIRING, SENSATION-

Biana: Yes yes, we get the point.

Sophie: Let me finish! We need to do something *Dramatic hair flip* Amazing, inspiring, sensational, astonishing, astounding, surprising, bewildering, stunning, staggering, shocking, startling, stupefying, breathtaking, perplexing, confounding-

Everyone: Sophie?

Sophie: dismaying, disconcerting, shattering, awesome, awe-inspiring, sensational, remarkable, spectacular, stupendous, phenomenal, prodigious, extraordinary, incredible, unbelievable, wonderful, marvelous, thrilling, exciting, mind-blowing, flabbergasting, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, amaze-balls, wondrous, and dumbfounding! *Dramatic hair flip*

Linh: Okayyyyyyyy then...

Marella: *starts clapping*

Biana: *Facepalms*

Sophie: *Takes a bow*

**Now we must go back to the infamous...GUYS NIGHT!**

Quick recap of what is happening at guys night: Fitz agreed to break up with Sophie in order to gain saltiness powers. He also called Dex "Deck" and now the fandom is attacking him. **And**** now GUYS NIGHT!**

Fitz: NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MEEEEEEEEEEE! I thought the fandom liked me!

Dex: That's what he said...

Tam: CALM DOWN EVERYONE! OR ELSE YOU SHALL FELL THE WRATH OF MY SALTSHAKERS!

*Everyone immediately freezes and bows down to Tam*

Tam: WORSHIP ME! I AM...TAM THE SALT PHEONIX!

Keefe: NO! I will not worship this monstrosity!

Dex: I agree with Keefe! Fitz said he will dump Sophie to become like Tam!

Fitz: I HATE SOPHIE, I LOVE SALT! *Dumps bucket of Salt on top of his head*

Keefe: *Facepalms*

Fitz: Why are you so against salt Keefe? Look I'll show you the magic of salt. *Dumps bucket on top of Keefe's Hair*

Entire world except Fitz: *Worlds biggest gasp*

Fitz: What?

Dex: Oh no...

Keefe: Y-You messed up...THE HAIR!

Fitz: Oh crap...

Keefe: *Points at Fitz* CHARGE!

Fitz: You want me to charge your phone?

Keefe: NO YOU IDIOT! It means we're _attacking _you!

Fitz: Who would attack me? I am a perfect teal eyed elf with teal eyes! Oh, and did I mention my eyes are teal?

Tam: Biana's eyes are teal.

Dex: Biana's eyes are a BETTER teal than yours!

Fitz: How can a certain teal be better?

Tam: Well, it all depends who's face they are in.

Dex: Biana's face is...

Tam, Dex: *Put hand over heart* BEAUTIFUL!

Keefe: Your face is...

Tam, Keefe, Dex: HIDEOUS.

Fitz: But- but- I THOUGHT I WAS HANDSOME!

Keefe: Your eyes made you look okay, until... Lodestar.

Fitz: What?

Dex: You know, the book where we figured out the Lodestar symbol!

Fitz: The one where Keefe was in the NEVERSEEN!

Keefe: You mean the one where I sacrificed my friendships in order to protect my friends and the world? Yes.

Fitz: But what book?

Dex: You don't know...that while we all almost die, this evil woman under the name of...SHANNON writes books about-

Keefe: THE HAIR!

Dex: No, she writes about-

Tam: THE BANGS!

Dex: No, she writes about-

Fitz: THE EYES!

Dex: NO! We've already been through this, you eyes are ugly! Anyway, she writes about Sophie and how she makes bad decisions such as dating Fitzroy Avery Vacker!

Fitz: What did you just say _Deck_?

Entire Fandom: *GASP*

Fitz: Oh no, not again-AHHHHHHH! *Is getting attacked by the fandom*

** Ok, I think that's all for this chapter! Please review! Or else Tam the Salt Pheonix will die! Also congratulate A very obsessed fangirl, she passed her black belt test, so know she can kill Fitz if she wants to! I really need to stop ranting-WE KNOW WHO'S REALLY DOING THE PLANTING! Ok I need to stop. REMEMBER TO REVIEWWWWWWW!**


	5. WE WANT ANSWERS BIANA!

**L- Yeah I was talking about Lodestar!**

**VanyaSilvan-Please don't die while waiting for the next chapters! I need people to review! YESSSSS FITZ MUST DIEEEEE! My Biana ship will stay neutral though...hehehehe...**

**Fangirl- I will have hidden messages in this chapter...you will know when you see them... so if you see them don't get confused.**

Fitz: *Is getting attacked by the Fandom*

Keefe: WAAAAIIIIIITTTTTTT!

Everyone in the universe, even your mom: What?

Keefe: We can't _kill _him...

Fitz: Why not? Who are we killing?** (Ugh that idiot, he is** **clueless) **

Keefe: *Face palms*

Fitz: Deck? Are we killing Deck? I want to kill Deck! **(I had to give Glitterbutt23 emotional support as she was writing this. ~A. Fan.)**

Keefe: Wait, never mind. We can kill him.

Fitz: Wait, what?

Dex: ATTACK!

Fitz: NO! I'm too beautiful to die!

Tam: That's what he said. *Holds up Lodestar* **I HAVE A BRAIN!**

Fitz: That isn't me! It's Sophie!

Keefe: *Points to Sophie on the cover* And I suppose_ that's_ you...

Fitz: Of course!

Door: Knock knock.

Dex: Who's there?

Door: Biana.

Dex and Tam: *Trip over each other trying to open door*

Door: No no no. You're supposed to say "Biana who?" And then I say "Biana chooses-"

Keefe: OOH, THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOOOOOOOOOOD! *Starts eating popcorn*

*Door Opens, 4 Bianas walk in. **(Biana 1 is Marella, Biana 2 is Sophie, Biana 3 is Linh, Biana 4 is Alvar- I mean real Biana.) **

Biana 1: I've made my choice... **(Imagine this in a really creepy voice)**

Biana 2: I have as well...

Biana 3: As have I...

Biana 4: Well, I haven't!

Biana 1: Shut up, Biana, you're ruining it.

Biana 4: But it's the truth! I _haven't _chosen. And_ I'M_ the real Biana! **MY NAME IS KAREN!**

Biana 2: *Panics* Uh, no you aren't. I am the real Biana! And I choose... DEX!

Biana 3: No, I am the real Biana, and I choose Tam! Because then real Biana will be my sis- uh, I mean, because Tam is soooooo... *Sighs dreamily* _salty._

Biana 1: I choose... TO BE **_SINGLE!_**

Biana 4: Biana, how dare you?

Bianas 2&3: What did I do?

Biana 4: Not you, her!

Keefe: Wait, back the T-rex up.

All boys: WHAT THE MALLOWMELT IS GOING ON?

Biana 3: Biana- I mean, _I, _have chosen T-

Biana 2: DEX!

Biana 1: I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE! I DON'T NEED A GUY IN MY LIFE!

Biana 4: NO! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! I AM INDECISIVE!

Biana 2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EVERYONE SHUT UP!

*Everyone shuts up*

Keefe: I have a question for the real Biana. How do you feel about this? *Holds up BROWN outfit* **I AM VERY BIG INDEED!**

Fitz: Where did you even get that?

Keefe: Don't ask questions, Ritzy boy. Now, Biana...

Biana 2: Oh my goodness, it's beautiful!

Biana 3: It's nice, I guess.

Biana 1: Could be worse.

*All turn to look at Biana 4*

Biana 4: *Is collapsed on the floor, shaking*

Dex and Tam: Yep, that's the real Biana. Is she okay?

Fitz: HOW COULD YOU KEEFE YOU KILLED MY SISTER!

Keefe: *Gets Idea, chuckles evilly* True love's kiss will revive her!

All Bianas except for real one: *Facepalm*

*Tam and Dex turn to face each other*

Dex: May the best elf win. *Extends hand*

Tam: *Is already hovering above Biana*

Dex: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Biana is mine! All mine! *Tackles Tam*

Tam: TAM THE SALT PHEONIX SHALL CONQUER ALL DECKS!

Dex: CINNAMON ROLLS SHALL TRIUMPH OVER TAM TAMS!

Tam: What's a Tam Tam? *Looks it up on his phone from chapter one* THIS SAYS UNSALTED! NOOOOOOO! *Sees that Dex is about to kiss Biana*

*Tam tackles Dex*

Keefe: What have I done...

Biana: *Wakes up* *Sees Dex and Tam wrestling* What is going on?

Fitz: Oh you know just the typical boys killing each other over a girl. Not that I know anything about that, of course. *Punches Keefe*

Biana: OH NOOOOOO! They're going to die!

Marella (Biana 1): IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, REAL BIANA!

Sophie: We need to save them!

Linh: Biana, you need to choose!

Sophie: NOW!

Biana: I-I choose

**I have done it again! Vote last minute in the comments if you feel strongly about who Biana should be with!**


	6. Biana makes her decision

**Wow. I can't believe this story is coming to an end. For my 1st story I think I did pretty good. Well, you kids- hahaha- really deserve to know Biana's decision...**

**REVIEWWW! **

Quick Recap: All of the girls impersonated Biana. To discover who was the real one, Keefe showed them a brown outfit. This made the real Biana faint, so then Keefe said true love's kiss could revive her. That sparked a fight between Dex and Tam. To stop them from killing each other, Biana has to choose.

Biana: I choose... ...

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TAAAAMMMMMM!

Dex: NOOOO!

Tam: YEEESSSSS! THE SALT WILL PREVAIL!

Marella: So, Dex... *Winks*

Keefe: KISS! KISS! KISS!

Tam: Okay!

Biana: Sure!

Keefe: Not you, I don't want Bangs Boy to have happiness yet. I WANT A DEXELLA KISSSSSSSSS!

Dex: Wut?

Marella: As you wish, Lord Hunkyhair.

*First Dexella Kiss in Elvin history unless there were two people named Dex and Marella before them and they liked each other but that is not likely*

Sophie: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Linh: BAM! IT'S DEXELLAAAAA!

Tam: Enough of this! I must kiss Biana! If Biana is okay with it, of course, because I completely respect her boundaries and want her to be 100% comfortable in our relationship.

Fitz: Consent is important children!

Keefe: Oh, by the way, a reader requested your death, so I am afraid we have no choice but to kill you.

Sophie: We'll get to that later, now we need a BAM kiss!

Tam: Biana?

Biana: Tam?

Tam: No, I was asking for permission.

Biana: Of course!

Tam: YESSSS *Kisses Biana*

Sophie: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Linh: BAMMMMM ITSSSS DEXELLLAAAAAA!

Dex: We get it Linh. You ship it.

Fitz: Wait. Does this mean Dex is in a relationship... BeFoRE mE?!

Dex: *Suddenly proud, puts arm around blushing Marella* Well I guess I am!

Fitz: N-no this can't be happening. I'm Fitzroy Avery Vacker...

Keefe: And I'm Lord Hunkyhair. What's your point?

Fitz: Well I'm going to date... THE CHANDELIER!

Sophie: Fitz. What the mallowmelt.

Biana: Anyways... while you guys were arguing I created BAM IT'S DEXELLA! Merchandise! We have hats, sweatshirts, mugs and dres-

Sophie: Wait. Do. They. Have. POCKETS?

Biana: Of course what fashion designer designs clothes without pockets?

Sophie: Ummmm, every human women's clothes designer...

Linh: HOW DARE THEY!? THIS IS INEQUALITY! WOMEN DESERVE POCKETS JUST AS MUCH AS MEN! WHY DO _WE _HAVE THOS FAKE POCKETS!?

Marella: Wow, the only way to make Linh mad is to talk about fake pockets. Who knew?

Linh: pPpPpPoOoOoOcCcCcKkKkKkKkKkKeEeTtTtTtTsSsSsSsSsSsS!

Fitz: Pockets aren't all that great anyway!

Linh: *Punches Fitz* You were saying?

Sophie: I think we are done here. LET US LEAVE!

Biana: *Casually jumps off a cliff*

Sophie: NO! BIANA! I'M THE TELEPORTER!

Tam: NOOOOOO! BIANA! *Uses shadowflux to catch her*

Biana: My hero!

Linh: Awwwww. Bam fluff.

Sophie: OK, seriously, we are done here.

Fitz: Sophie. Wait.

Sophie: YEEEEEESSSS?

Fitz: I-I-I WANT TO BE SALTY!

Sophie: What do you mean Fitz?

Fitz: We need to break up...

**HAHAHAHAHAH That's it... but I have an important question. Should I continue Diana or Bam, or write a new story? Vote in the reviews pls! I need to know! I will post the winner of the "Poll" on here! Byeeeeee**

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	7. IMPORTANT! READ!

After some not so deep thinking, I have decided that I have finished the "Diana or Bam" and will be writing a new story. If you have any ideas write them in your review! Byeee!


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